5 ways to teach relaxation skills to your child

Look carefully at how you deal with stressful situations and your own response to anger/anxiety. Try to model a calm response to your child and give reassuring statements like “I felt quite nervous before that, but managed to stay calm and that helped.” Avoid generalisations such as “he’s just like me...I have a short fuse”. Create a positive self-belief in your child that behaviour can change, and praise your child when they have coped well.

Step back from the situation and try to notice any patterns in your child’s behaviour and any factors that trigger anger or anxiety. Notice if you deal with their behaviour calmly and consistently.

If your child is old enough, try to label the feeling (angry, upset, nervous etc.) and identify any physical changes that happen when they feel like this (e.g., feeling hot and sweaty, heart racing, etc.).

A range of very simple techniques can be very effective when trying to calm down and relax:

• Breathe slowly through the nose, hands on the tummy and eyes closed.
• Breathe slowly and count from 1-5 (counting breath).
• Breathe out slowly as if blowing out the candles on a birthday cake.
• Visualise a calming colour as you breathe out (colour breath).
• Visualise a calming place as you breathe out.
• Say a word to yourself or short sentence (“I can keep calm”).

Try to identify which of these techniques your child finds most helpful, and have that be their own way of calming down.

Once they have chosen one of these calming down techniques, keep practising it as often as possible both in situations where they feel calm and relaxed, and in situations when they feel stressed. Your child can practise alongside you, and slowly move on to more independent use. Have visual reminders (e.g., a picture on the fridge) or use a non-verbal cue (e.g., holding up five fingers) to help your child remember to use their chosen technique. You can also create a chart to record when they have used it (e.g., “I can use my counting breath when I feel angry”), and work towards a reward.

Lisa Gupta is an independent educational psychologist with over 17 years’ experience working in a range of authorities and settings, and is a qualified yoga teacher and has taught yoga in schools. Lisa has used her combined experience to develop the Let’s Chill CD programmes, which systematically teach children and young people how to relax and calm down.