Developing social-emotional skills for a happier, healthier child

NHS digital statistics (2022) show that one in six young people (aged 6-16) have a probable mental health disorder. Further research published by the Education Endowment Foundation found that teachers and parents were concerned by the impact lockdown had on children’s social-emotional development. 

So, it is clear that now more than ever, social-emotional skills need to be developed, encouraged and supported in order to improve young people's mental health.

It is believed that children who have the right encouragement to learn and understand social-emotional skills are more likely to develop resilience and empathy, and to have a more positive sense of self, healthy relationships and good mental wellbeing.  

Why are social-emotional skills an important part of your child’s education?

The importance of developing a child’s social-emotional skills is a relatively new concept, but one which is now well-recognised, and outlined in Development Matters, the Non-Statutory Curriculum Guidance for the EYFS.

Working as a young person’s counsellor, it became clear to me that helping lay these foundations in the early years is vital and can have life-long implications. Missing out on building these skills in childhood could have a profound effect on wellbeing and mental health in later life.

How are social and emotional skills linked?

Social skills go hand in hand with emotional skills. A child who can self-regulate and empathise with others has emotional intelligence. This informs good social skills such as communication, listening to others, resilience, and seeing other points of view. When a child becomes more capable in emotional literacy, empathy and self-regulation, it positively impacts their ability to form good, healthy social bonds and relationships.

How can you help your child build their social-emotional skills?

Like all skills, emotional literacy can be taught, and the more these skills are encouraged and practised, the more proficient the child will become. Children learn best in a play or multi-sensory environment and information acquired in these situations is more likely to be retained.

Start with a story: learning through books and toys

As a children’s author, I find a carefully chosen book is a really useful place to start. Books that go beyond story time, such as ones which provide activities in the back pages, help consolidate learning. Find books that focus on different topics, such as empathy, talking about feelings, self-care, normalising worries or differences. By reading the stories and talking about what the character is experiencing emotionally or how they overcame a difficult situation, it provides your child with the opportunity to start developing their own emotional language.  

You can extend the benefits further by adding some simple resources such as emotion stones or wooden slices that depict key emotions.  By asking your child to find the feeling that best matches the one being experienced by the character in the story, and if they have ever felt similar, this encourages the child to talk about emotions and problem-solve at a reflective distance.

Then, when situations arise in their own lives, they already have strategies and vocabulary to deal with them. If you don’t own resources such as the ones mentioned, why not cut out some cardboard discs and create your own emotion faces?  Or you could get your little one involved in drawing the emotions and use this as a further opportunity to open up conversations about feelings. 
 

Download this free activity below from Conker the Chameleon... 

Talk, talk, talk: learning to reflect

To develop reflection and good communication, try using open-ended questions. Using closed questions invites a one word yes or no answer.   For instance, “Did you have a good day at school?” encourages a yes or no answer. However, “What made you smile today?” “Is there anything you wished you had done differently?” “Who did you enjoy playing with?” or “Was there anyone you didn't enjoy playing with?” all allow the opportunity to reflect on what went well, and also what didn't go so well.

The next time a situation arises, rather than just going through the motions, your child can make a choice informed by past reflection.

As a mother, I know that trying to ask questions at the school gate, over the hullabaloo of the playground and all the other “How was your day’s?”, is not usually the best place to start these conversations.

For me, a better time is once we’re home and settled, maybe over a snack.  It can sometimes be useful to start a sideways conversation, whilst you’re alongside your child, engaging in a simple game or activity. By shifting the focus away from the conversation to the activity – maybe taking a walk to the park or doing some drawing together – it doesn't feel like firing 20 questions at once, and your child will feel relaxed and be a more willing participant.

Download this free download from Climb to help you get started...  

Empathetic ears: finding the right person to talk to

The emphasis on talking about feelings has been highlighted in recent years, however this can be misinterpreted. The person the child chooses to talk to is also of paramount importance. Imagine if a child's first attempt to open up fell on unempathetic ears, was disregarded, used against them, or shared with others. Encouraging your child to talk about feelings is important, but equally important is helping them explore who they might talk to: maybe a teacher, parent, or group leader in some situations. Alternatively, other experiences might see an older sibling, friend, or grandparent making the best confidant.

Supporting a child's emotional language and identifying safe and trusted support puts in place a robust plan to call on in times of crisis. Not only do they have a plan to help deal with unexpected or difficult experiences or emotions, they can also draw comfort and confidence from the feeling of knowing how to deal with such a situation.

Blue printing: modelling your own behaviour

I find this one of the tougher ideas to put into practice yet modelling through our own behaviour is key for learning. Telling someone to calm down while experiencing heightened emotions yourself has generally been proven to have a zero-success rate!

Having the self-awareness to take a moment or a few breaths to calm yourself, and modelling calm rather than joining the carnage can be difficult, but is 100 percent more successful. So, blueprinting empathy, resilience and self-care are hugely important. After all, we are our children's first teachers.

There’s no doubt we won’t get it right or be perfect all the time, as we too are all just works-in-progress, yet even mistakes make way for learning opportunities. By blue printing an authentic apology, showing that ruptures can be repaired and that there is always tomorrow to try again, instils the understanding that there is room for mistakes and that resilience is developed through trying, sometimes failing, but always learning – not by being perfect!

More resources 

Discover Hannah Peckham’s books created to help children develop those important social-emotional skills…

•    Conker the Chameleon – this story will help your child talk about feelings and learn about zones of regulation
•    Conker and the Monkey Trap – this story will teach your child about teamwork, letting go of big feelings and asking for help
•    Climb – this story will help your child to celebrate uniqueness, resilience and inclusion
•    Bronty’s Battle Cry – this book helps normalise everyday worries that we can all experience, highlighting the importance of being kind and developing mindfulness skills
•    The Get Well Spell – this story explores the five steps to mental well-being and self-care

The following activities are free to download on TheSchoolRun.com. One is from The Get Well Spell and helps your child practise mindful breathing, the other is a helpful guide for positive self-talk, taken from Bronty's Battle Cry.