Raising children: practical parenting advice

Dollypeeps mentioned her insistence on firm boundaries, rules and consistency for her children. Liat replied, “I absolutely agree regarding firm boundaries and consistent rules. Inconsistencies confuse kids. It’s very easy to let a child talk you into changing your mind now and then but for every time you give in once, they will then push back again and again on the off chance they’ll persuade you.

“Not following through with threatened punishments is another easy pitfall. If you say ‘I’ll do X if you continue to do Y or don’t stop’, you absolutely must follow through or you lose credibility next time. It’s important not to make a threat in the first place if you won’t be willing or able to actually do it.”

A common problem for many families is bickering siblings. Mum, Fredd, asked for advice on what should she do about her squabbling boys: leave them to it or step in?

“In short, with minor disputes leave them to it but have a discussion with them when it’s not the heat of the moment about ways they can relate to each other better and your expectations,” said Liat. “I think more families should sit down and make 'family rules'. Lots of teachers do this at the start of the year and it's very powerful to have clear expectations.”

When children get older, it’s hard to know how to encourage them to be responsible for themselves and their possessions. Janey wanted to know how she could encourage her 11-year-old son to look after his things and not just dump them on the ground or forget about things he had left outside.

Liat asked, “Why do you think he does that sort of thing e.g. is he in his own world or not concentrating? Or does he do it to wind you up? I’m assuming he's just not concentrating from the sounds of it. I’d take the classic line that if he isn’t going to look after things he pays the consequences. Sit him down and have a discussion and explain that he needs to start looking after his stuff. And it is HIS stuff at his age. So if anything gets ruined he will have to pay for another from pocket money. And if he does something which means he’ll get in trouble at school e.g. not being able to wear an essential item [because it’s been left to get damp in the garden], so be it – he’s old enough to take responsibility now and deal with the flak from school.”